A
dark and senseless bird, floating.
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The sky was dark
with them. Birds. Dark birds,
they flew, and they soared, and they squawked, and chirped. "I’ve had it with
these dog gone
birds" I said, to no one in particular because my roommate, Matt, was
of
no consequence to me ever since he had written a scathing and
untruthful review
of my fantasy restaurant online on the fantasy restaurant wiki that I
both
curate and founded. "This is untenable"
I said, in
conclusion. "What is?" He,
Matt, asked me. "Shut up" I told
him and then I
stormed out of the room and into the hall, very nearly tripping over
the pile
of discarded laundry that we had placed there in an effort to delay the
entry
of burglars into our apartment and we supposed that it had worked
because we
had never been burgled. I marched into the
street in front of our
apartment building that so recently had been full of bustling traffic
and
people who were also bustling but now was only full of birds and the
contents
of their recently voided bowels. "What is the deal
with all these
birds?" I asked, lilting my voice in the exact manner that the comedian
Seinfeld was so well known for doing before he died tragically in a
bird-related incident, the details of which I am both unfamiliar with
and
uninterested in. Truthfully, my knowledge of Seinfeld begins and ends
with my
pitch-perfect impersonation of his signature phrase. Bits of excrement
spattered the sidewalk
around me and I tried to discern some pattern in them but I was unable
even
though I had scored very high in many online IQ tests and not just the
easy
ones that people posted on Facebook. "I just want to
objectively measure my
intellect, not find out which Pokémon I am." Is a status update I had
posted a few weeks back. It garnered quite a few likes but not as many
as I had
hoped. A bird landed in
front of me. It had Matt's
face. "The Sonic n' Pals
Burger Bistro is a
detestable blend of over-priced, poorly executed entrees, and a rude
and
unkempt staff. I was forced to wait, an utter prisoner of this culinary
dungeon, for over an hour before my food arrived. The presentation, if
you
could call it that, left much to be desired, unless one desires their
burger to
be coated with what appeared to be exceptionally runny diarrhea" It
chirped. |
> |
| pg. 1 |